Well I am not writing this post to announce that it is my b-day by any means, It has been a horrible day so far and I am just venting I guess. I have been having trouble with my 4 year old and today she pushed me to my breaking point. She has been so disrespectful and mean to everyone today and to make it worse I feel as if it is all my fault. I feel depressed and angry and just plain rotten. Have I failed as a mother? Is it too late to turn things around? And if it isn't the how??!! I don't spank my children, I have tried it in the past, you know the spanking with love and the intent to teach, but I am not a believer of it. I would always get control of myself before a spanking and explain why it was being given, and it was only used as a last resort, but I can't put my belief that hitting teaches hitting, and the fact that it just seems demeaning to me. So today Maddie has had all of her dress up stuff put in a garbage bag in into the closet(only to be earned back one at a time), several time-outs, lost all t.v. privileges for the rest of the day, and then I broke down and set her on the floor and screamed at her to stop at the top of my lungs(now my throat hurts).Let me give you an example: she was jumping on her bed which she knows is not acceptable and when I told her to stop she just stared at me and laughed(now Bella is jumping too,she looks up to her big sis). This is where I scream, I've had enough, I didn't even feel like myself. I mean where did this short fused person come from? I love my girls more than anything and I want them to grow up with good morals and values, but I feel like I don't know how to teach them. Nothing I am doing is working. Maybe I need some outside help myself or I just don't know, I have prayed so much that I wonder if he is even listening??
Well that felt really good to get that off my chest and I'm sure that after a couple of days I will regret putting this on here but oh well.
