Friday, February 17, 2006

Birthday Blues

Well I am not writing this post to announce that it is my b-day by any means, It has been a horrible day so far and I am just venting I guess. I have been having trouble with my 4 year old and today she pushed me to my breaking point. She has been so disrespectful and mean to everyone today and to make it worse I feel as if it is all my fault. I feel depressed and angry and just plain rotten. Have I failed as a mother? Is it too late to turn things around? And if it isn't the how??!! I don't spank my children, I have tried it in the past, you know the spanking with love and the intent to teach, but I am not a believer of it. I would always get control of myself before a spanking and explain why it was being given, and it was only used as a last resort, but I can't put my belief that hitting teaches hitting, and the fact that it just seems demeaning to me. So today Maddie has had all of her dress up stuff put in a garbage bag in into the closet(only to be earned back one at a time), several time-outs, lost all t.v. privileges for the rest of the day, and then I broke down and set her on the floor and screamed at her to stop at the top of my lungs(now my throat hurts).Let me give you an example: she was jumping on her bed which she knows is not acceptable and when I told her to stop she just stared at me and laughed(now Bella is jumping too,she looks up to her big sis). This is where I scream, I've had enough, I didn't even feel like myself. I mean where did this short fused person come from? I love my girls more than anything and I want them to grow up with good morals and values, but I feel like I don't know how to teach them. Nothing I am doing is working. Maybe I need some outside help myself or I just don't know, I have prayed so much that I wonder if he is even listening??
Well that felt really good to get that off my chest and I'm sure that after a couple of days I will regret putting this on here but oh well.


HolyMama! said...

Um, Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to the really best mom in the wo-orld, happy birthday to you!

We're trying the Total Transformation by Dr James Lehman. Just started it. I'll let you know if there are gems of parental wisdom in there.
Hang in there. And eat cake.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Kelsey and I will be eating cake as soon as my husband comes home with the one his mom made for him to give to me:)

Stephanie said...

That was from me.....

Jennifer said...

I feel like I read something that I could have written. My four eyar old daughter is driving me completely bonkers for the exact same reason. I don't understand where she gets it! My 6 year old isn't lippy to me and my husband and I are not sarcastic or mean when we speak to eachother so where does she get it?

Atleast I know I'm not the only mother out there dealing with this.


Ruthie said...

Hey, Steph,
Sorry to hear you had such a rough birthday. Remember, we all have our days...parents and children alike. And we all have moments when we feel overwhelmed. I know what it feels like to pray and pray and feel that no one is there, but I also know what it is like to feel surrounded and comforted by a hope and strength far higher and more loving than I. But even when I do not feel God, I KNOW He is there. And I believe that he cares for my children even more than I do. And I know there have been times i have sorrowed Him, just like my own children have me. The difference is that He is a perfect Father, but we are still failing and learning, ourselves. There are all kinds of child-rearing ideas that out there. But what our children need most of all are mothers and fathers who's anxious souls have found rest in God. There was a time when I would have said, "But we need some practical advice, not pat answers!" I have read pretty much all of the practical advice, gleaned much fluff and much wisdom. I have seen encouraging growth and frusterating setbacks in myself and my children. And learned to make room for imperfection because my eyes are set on a long-term goal that will be reached little by little. And we are all the same, we have victories and failures (our children, too.)
I have been thinking lately about the scripture that says very simply, "Be still and know that I am God." We have to learn to place ourselves and our little ones into His trust...something that is often a difficult lesson to learn. Hang in there, Steph.
love you, friend!
I'll talk to you soon!

mhutchinson said...

I am so sorry I missed this post, with all that was going on at my house...

First of all, happy birthday!

Secondly, it will get better. Those days of high stress and low tolerance will pass. Your husband will support you, while you take a breather. God IS there, He does hear and He will help. Rest in Him, you are loved.

I have been there too, first hand-lemme tell ya. One day at a time, they are just testing you. Pushing the limits as far as they think they can. Kids feel powerful when they can elicit a reaction out of mom or dad, gives them a little feeling of control I think. Try to see beyond what they do, to why are they doing it. Maybe that can give you a different perspective and you can approach it from a different angle.

You are NOT a bad mother, don't ever ever think that.

This is challenging work, that's for sure!

I am thinking of you.